POLITENESS

BACK GROUND:
We live on a small island and rely on a generator to keep our beer and food cold. Generator breaks down every month or so, in comes small portable geny to rescue beer, small geny goes bang, two more sent for from the UK arrive at Mahe and sail through customs fine and dandy. We hire a shipping company to ship them from Mahe to Praslin, where we can pick them up in our small boat, but while in their responsibility (or as you would think) they get stolen.
















Monday morning I set off to the police station at Praslin, (Sal said she was to busy, I think too scared), to report the theft, the nice police woman was suitably disgusted, but if I may say not altogether sincere. I fill in all the relevant forms, not really 100% sure about what I’m filling in, but as she kept putting them in front of me with real conviction, I guessed she did! When all the forms were filled in a nice police man with a huge moustache said “of course this is a civil matter, so nothing to do with us”, so in short, the authorities can’t be bothered.

The following Monday I’m on my way again to Praslin, this time to see the shipping company, who lost our goods! I’ve been told to get them to fill in a form, telling of the circumstances of the theft and admit liability, which I must say I thought was a bit much seeing we were the losers here, but if that’s how its done here, lets get on with it.



In case of language difficulties I was accompanied by Regis one of our rangers. I always feel slightly inadequate when in a foreign country, because if its not English speaking, I have to rely on them to speak English, so to make up for my linguist failures, I figure the least I can do is be polite.

We find the office at the top of a small shopping complex, I knock, and the door is opened by Mrs Shipping Company Owner, (MSCO) who after introductions invites us in. We sit at a large document covered table in her air conditioned lounge come office, me and Regis (Regis is a mouthy little sod and he’s been told in no uncertain terms to keep this mouth shut at all times unless he needs to interpret) on one side, with me quite close to Regis so I can inflict physical pain if he goes off on one, MSCO on the opposite half obscured by a computer and realms of paper. I soon find out that there was no need for Regis as the MSCO at large Indian lady was fluent in English, and I bet every other language her company deals with.

The conversation went like this:
MSCO: Oh its such a bad business, we’ve never had this happen before it’s terrible for our good name.
Me: We really don’t blame you, and well these things happen to the best of us, if you could pleee.
MSCO: No this is so bad, it must have been those costumes, you know these people, no shame.
Me: No no we had someone check after customs it must have happened when they where in yourrrrrr.
MSCO: and of course you being so new how could you have known.
At this I saw Regis lean forward to give his interpretation of events and who he thought was at fault. I got my Teva sandal on top of his bare foot just in time, pressed and twisted, it worked, he sat back.
MSCO: yes you so new, they should have told you.
(Me thinking, they? told me what? she’s trying to put the bloody blame on me!)
MSCO: you should have pick them up when they arrived you know, not have left them here.
Me: But MSCO you offer a safe warehousing service, which we paid foooo
MSCO: and me being so ill, it made me so ill this bad business.
Me: I am so sorry MSCO we really don’t blame you, could you please sign this forrrr
MSCO: in all our time no such business has happened here.
really MSCO no one blames you, we just would like you to please fill in this form.(thinking: fill this bloody form in)
I had to go to the doctors you know
(good)
He gave me sleeping tablets
(take them all at once)
They make me so tired and I have so much work to do
(fall down the stairs and break your neck)
Please MSCO it’s just a form to say what happened
Its going to affect our business you know
(I’ll kill you with this tea pot if you don’t sign)
I just don’t know what to do
(I do, sign this bloody form you old cow)
After what seemed an age, she signed,
Thank you so much MSCO we really appreciate it, please there really is no hard feelings.
(we’ll never use you again you old bag)
Outside Regis asked me why I was so nice, I didn’t tell him about my language hang ups, I just said, I’m British, Regis said something in Creole which I guess meant, idiot!
We went home

Ps – The Police got them back 2 weeks later and the beer is cold.